Hyper-Optimization of Partners
Learn why treating people like “profiles” destroys love.
When Care Doesn’t Feel Simple
Care does not always move smoothly.
It can knot, loop, and resist straight lines.
You feel how wanting to be kind, present, and responsive carries complications beneath the surface.
This complexity does not cancel care.
It reveals that care is happening alongside limits, memory, and self-preservation.
Acknowledge complexity with DojoWell.
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Articles exploring the psychology behind these patterns.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does "care" feel so heavy and complicated?
Care is often a "high-load" loop involving the Narrative, Reward, and Threat systems simultaneously. You want to provide support (Reward), but you fear failing or being overwhelmed (Threat/Status). In this model, we name this "complexity" to remove the expectation that care should be "simple" or "easy." Acknowledging that care carries a structural weight allows you to manage your integration capacity more effectively, ensuring your "care loops" don't lead to system burnout.
How do I care for others without the complexity?
You don't "remove" the complexity; you "name" it. By identifying care as a high-load state, you stop the Narrative system from shaming you for feeling "burdened." This closure of the self-judgment loop frees up integration capacity. You can then focus on small, finite "acts of care" that have clear endings. These completed loops provide the "done" signals that make the complexity more manageable and the connection more stable.