Avoidant Distancing & Ghosting Patterns
Understand why avoidant people pull away digitally.
Staying With the Strain Without Choosing Sides
The strain remains, balanced rather than resolved.
You notice how neither safety nor closeness wins.
Instead, awareness stays centered, holding both.
This is not indecision.
It is presence with complexity, allowing tension to exist without demanding an outcome.
Witness strain with DojoWell.
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Articles exploring the psychology behind these patterns.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I "not choose sides" when I feel strained?
Choosing sides means the Narrative system validates one system (e.g., the need to withdraw) while shaming the other (e.g., the need to connect). This creates internal "friction." "Staying with the strain" means witnessing the "push" and the "pull" simultaneously as valid structural data. You say, "I feel the need to hide AND the need to be seen." This non-judgmental witnessing closes the "conflict loop," allowing the nervous system to settle into the complexity without the exhaustion of a civil war.
What is the benefit of witnessing without choosing?
It preserves your "integration capacity." When you fight yourself, you waste energy that could be used for settlement. Witnessing "without choosing" acts as a "neutral landing pad." It allows both systems to feel "heard" by the Narrative self. This "structural pause" often reveals a third option—a "low-velocity" way to remain present that satisfies the need for both safety and connection, leading to a more stable and less reactive identity.