The Paradox of Control
Learn why controlling everything backfires and how internal flexibility reduces suffering.
Remaining in Control Without Clenching
Control remains, but the hands soften.
Steering continues without strain.
You notice how guidance can be light, how direction does not require tension.
This moment names the desired state without demanding it.
Hold control lightly with DojoWell.
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Articles exploring the psychology behind these patterns.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I stay "in control" of my life without "clenching"?
Yes. This is Control Without Clenching. Clenching is a "low-level" control strategy used when we don't trust the outcome. In this model, "clench-free control" is a high-level act of Orientation and Trust. You are "in control" because you are present and capable, not because you are "squeezing" reality. This feels like "steering a boat" rather than "pushing a mountain." It is efficient, calm, and leaves you with the energy needed to actually enjoy the life you are controlling.
How do I stop the "clench"?
You focus on "Structural Alignment." When you are aligned with your values and your capacity, you don't need to clench. Clenching is what we do when we are "out of position." By returning to your "stable front" and ensuring your loops are "manageable," the clench naturally dissolves. You find that you are actually more in control when you aren't clenching, as your movements and decisions are more fluid, responsive, and coherent.