Connection Without Closeness
Learn why “connected” people feel emotionally starved.
Standing Beside Without Reaching
Standing beside someone does not require reaching.
You can walk parallel without crossing over.
Presence does not need to become contact.
Allowing space preserves both sides without collapse or withdrawal.
Allow parallel presence with DojoWell.
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Articles exploring the psychology behind these patterns.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I be "with" someone without actually "doing" anything?
This is the practice of "standing beside without reaching". It decouples the Status & Control system's need to "manage" the situation from the Narrative system's need for "connection". By standing beside, you provide a stable structural presence that doesn't require the Reward system to reach for touch or action. This creates a high-density field of safety where both individuals can simply "be" without the exhaustion of constant social negotiation or performance.
Why is "reaching" sometimes a problem?
"Reaching" is often an attempt to resolve your own discomfort with stillness or uncertainty. It restarts a pursuit loop that might interrupt the other person's (or your own) integration process. When you stand without reaching, you allow the space to remain "open" yet "safe". This builds structural tolerance for silence and "non-action," which are essential for the nervous system to finally settle and for identity to update through quiet coherence.