Avoidant Distancing & Ghosting Patterns
Understand why avoidant people pull away digitally.
The Weight of Staying Guarded
Guarding takes weight to maintain.
The gate is neither shut nor open, held carefully in between.
This position costs energy, even when nothing is happening.
You are not guarded because you lack trust; you are guarded because protection has become a practiced posture.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Why am I so tired after staying "guarded" all day?
Staying guarded is a high-energy structural labor. It requires the Status & Control and Threat systems to maintain a constant "perimeter" around your identity. In the Meaning Density Model™, this is a "continuous loop" that never reaches a "done" signal. Naming this "weight" helps you realize that your exhaustion is a direct result of the metabolic cost of self-defense. It isn't a lack of motivation; it is the price of maintaining structural safety.
Can I ever "put down" the weight of being guarded?
Only when the environment provides enough "completion signals" to justify lowering the guard. You can’t force yourself to stop being guarded; that just creates a new "pursuit loop." Instead, acknowledge the weight of the guard. By witnessing the effort, you close the "denial loop." This acceptance reduces internal friction, allowing your system to rest even while the guard is up, preserving energy for future integration when safety is finally registered.